Giving and receiving feedback is tricky business and an art. It is probably one of the most important leadership traits, and can take a lifetime to learn. It can differentiate good leaders from mediocre ones by demonstrating several important leadership characteristics - good judgment, clarity and organization of thought, courage, maturity, sense of humor, crispness of communication, sensitivity, caring, coaching abilities, humility, and emotional intelligence all in one.
We all hear about feedback being a gift. It can be, if done well. We need to take several factors into consideration and do some pre-work and thinking to do both giving and receiving fedback well. Here are some things to think about:
Giving feedback:
- When is the right time to give feedback?
- Is the person ready to receive it?
- How do you prepare the person to receive the feedback as you intend?
- What is the best way to deliver it?
- How frequent is frequent enough?
- Who do you give unsolicited feedback to and why?
Receiving feedback:
- Who do you ask for feedback?
- How often do you ask?
- How do you react to the feedback?
- What aspects of the feedback do you choose to act upon and what do you choose to ignore and why?
- How will you deal with unsolicited feedback?
As with most things in life, the answer for most of these questions is, "It depends" (on the people involved, their situation, and the need) and is very personal. But the better prepared we are with answers to these questions before attempting to give/receive feedback, the better results we will get.
As a giver of feedback, there are a few things to keep in mind. Most people take feedback very seriously and try to act on it. So, if your assessment is based on a short interaction with the person you are giving feedback to and you are not sure your assessment is complete or accurate, it will be better to say that upfront. Otherwise your feedback may have unintended results such as lowering someone's confidence, demoralizing them, or changing their behavior for the worse. Also, if you are simply passing on someone else's comments rather than giving feedback based on your own observations, you should clarify that as well. In addition,it is almost always better to keep the feedback as real time and on-the-spot as possible rather than holding any thing back for a later time.
As a receiver of the feedback, the most important thing is to focus on the intent of the feedback. As stated above, giving feedback is an art that takes a lifetime to learn and even the most seasoned leaders sometimes struggle to do it properly. It is just as difficult to the person giving the feedback as to you as the receiver. Assuming you trust the feedback giver, both in intent and ability, help him/her out by focusing on the message rather than the specific words used or how it was delivered. On the other hand, if you don't fully trust the person giving the feedback because they don't know you very well, or for any other reason, try to validate the feedback with another trusted adviser before acting on it.
If we keep these simple things in mind and prepare well, feedback - both giving and receiving - can be a gift rather than a curse!
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